When you feel your heart’s guarded
When you see the break has started
When the clouds have all departed
You’ll be right here with me
~ Brandy
I randomly decided to do a bunch of "research" on Brandy the other night-- this may or may not have been inspired by the fact that the R&H remake of Cinderella was on TV-- and decided to download one of her more recent songs. Gosh darn if I don't really enjoy it. Then I watched Dancing with the Stars with my pal Angela the other night and saw Brandy dressed in a schoolgirl outfit dancing the jive. Life, you're weird.
I'm doing pretty well with the whole Life Goals thing. Last night, I went to the gym and worked out. My iPod died 20 minutes in, which sucked since I far prefer listening to music to watching TV whilst I sweat, but I caught the beginning of Melissa and Joey, and obviously all was well. I spent the rest of the evening cooking a relatively healthful dinner of pasta and veggies and watching TV. And thus far, I've managed not to buy anything frivolous. I am however buying lunch at the cafeteria today rather than eating my leftovers, because come on-- it's chicken quesadilla day! If I can't have Panchero's, you best let me have my quesadilla at the cafeteria.
It hasn't all been sunshine and roses, unfortunately. On Monday, my old classmate Joe from middle/high school was killed in a accident. He apparently ran the second stop sign on Anson/18th Ave in M-town and his truck was hit by a cement truck.
I hate to say the words "it doesn't really surprise me" but the truth is, it's not completely shocking. This may have been an honest mistake, but Joe was always a little reckless. It's funny; I often think about the time in high school, before play rehearsal started and he, Jessica E, and I hopped in his truck and went out to Morrison to his house to get something... we were on gravel roads and he was going so fast, I felt a little reckless myself.
And actually, I felt a little special that we were hanging out. He was like a bad boy I was a little intimidated by and a little snobbish about and having his attention like that was exciting. Even if his gravel-driving skills were a little too edgy and good for a 16 or 17 year old.
But Joe was amazing with cars, even back then. He got an AA degree in mechanics and had gone back to get his BA in something mechanics/car-related as well. I remember him always being out in the shop when I had a study hall out there in the ag building. I was always in awe of those guys who knew how to do anything out there.
I have a lot of funny memories of Joe. He and Nicole B "dated" back in middle school, and they were joined at the hip. I remember questioning Nicole a lot about what they talked about-- the idea of having a boyfriend back then was so foreign and mysterious to me.
Joe was a bit of a hoodlum, to be honest, but he wasn't stupid. He was smart, and friendly, and quick. Although, he did have a bit of that boyish brand of stupidity in him-- he and Chase used to chase each other with BB guns, shooting at each other like complete morons.
Boys.
Another memory that makes me shake my head with laughter and amused disapproval is the time he and Cole rode Joe's bike out to Deidra's house. We were all hanging out at Deidra's for a sleepover-- must have been eighth grade-- jumping on her trampoline and watching movies. Cole had just had his infamous and defining episode: shooting half his foot off with his dad's shotgun. He was still in his cast, riding around on the back of Joe's bicycle, which was one of those little stunt bikes, and they rode that damn bike all the way out to Deidra's house just outside the Brook. Miles. Joe was already exhausted and naturally Cole's foot hurt like hell, and they still had to bike all the way home again.
But they wanted to hang out with some girls, so they did it anyway.
So long, Joe. You always seemed like a pretty decent guy.
~
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Life Goals: Easy as Pie
Announcement: this girl is my hero.
As per usual, I've been thinking a lot about my life. You know, what I want to accomplished today, tomorrow, five years from now, fifteen years from now...
But that's a little overwhelming, so let's start with just today and tomorrow.
I'm going to suck up my completely immature jealousy about other people in my age group who are currently enjoying the embarkment of actual careers, or at least, are working in their field of choice. You could make a stretch and say that I'm working in my field because ACT is an educational institution, but let's not kid ourselves: I'm no more teaching English/writing at the moment than I am on a hunt for the Crumple-Horned Snorkack. Nor am I really making great strides in my partially*-real ambition to be a published writer.
*I say partially because while I would love to be a published writer, so would half the population, and I'm not unrealistic.
All that said, I don't want to give the impression that I've given up. Give up now, in your 20s, and you can pretty much kiss your life-long ambitions goodbye, that's what I think. (I know, I know, it's never too late-- but the chances of making the life I actually want happen should start now. Right? Right.)
Last night, while watching a rerun of one of my favorite shows, The Middle, I realized that 14-year-old Sue Heck (pictured above) is exactly the sort of girl I want to be. She fails at pretty much everything (no, really), yet she doesn't give up. She stumbles around that track five times despite crutches, rain, and general conspiracy against her, and gosh darn if she doesn't make that no-cut cross country team in the end.
Honestly, I nearly cried.
So what do I want to tackle first, bearing the spirit of Sue in mind? There are plenty of options here:
1. That neverending weight loss journey-- 40 pounds down since '09, yet since July my progress has not-so-mysteriously halted. When exactly am I going to make my gym membership an actual investment instead of a guilt-inspiring charge on the credit card? When am I going to start actually craving dinners that don't come from the grill at Panchero's or a drive-thru window?
2. My writing ambitions-- graduate school was great, but it kicked my ass and I spent the year following graduation pretty much exhausted and burned out on creative nonfiction. Now, however, it's submission season, and damn it, I need to get submitting. If I have to read one more obnoxiously pretentious Facebook status update from one of my MFA friends who are off doing super amazing things, I'm going to choke myself with my own thesis.
3. Perhaps most pressing, my financial situation. I'm on the right track, six months into an actual, non-temp job with benefits and all, but boy oh boy am I scraping the bottom of the savings account barrel. Actually, that's misleading, as it makes it sound like there's anything in my savings account (there's not). At the arrival of each paycheck, I fill Suki with gas, I pay my rent, I pay my student loan (egads), and I pay my various bills.
After that, I seem to squander the very minimal leftover cash on jewelry (but seriously, I love accessories. Can a girl really ever have too many accessories?! CAN SHE?), books (Lord girl, there are three public libraries within a ten-mile radius. So WHY?), and the mother of all money-sucks: RESTAURANTS. The cafeteria at work, fast food, sandwich places, Mexican grill, sit-down restaurants, Chinese takeout, you name it, I've probably squandered my paycheck there. And why? Why can I not make myself reign it in and prepare some gosh darn meals for myself? Lord knows it would probably kick-start the whole weight-loss thing as well (unless I cater to my cravings for mac-and-cheese several times a week. Mmmmm mac and cheese in the shape of Spider-Man or Toy Story characters...) I digress.
I think I need to be like Sue and keep my eye on the prize. Sure, making my own meals comprised of healthful ingredients, whilst, you know, working on my Pulitzer Prize-winning novel may feel like a painfully difficult existence... but I must remember Sue. Trudge on crutches through the rain around that cross-country track today... be rich, healthy, and successful tomorrow.
It's a good plan.
~
As per usual, I've been thinking a lot about my life. You know, what I want to accomplished today, tomorrow, five years from now, fifteen years from now...
But that's a little overwhelming, so let's start with just today and tomorrow.
I'm going to suck up my completely immature jealousy about other people in my age group who are currently enjoying the embarkment of actual careers, or at least, are working in their field of choice. You could make a stretch and say that I'm working in my field because ACT is an educational institution, but let's not kid ourselves: I'm no more teaching English/writing at the moment than I am on a hunt for the Crumple-Horned Snorkack. Nor am I really making great strides in my partially*-real ambition to be a published writer.
*I say partially because while I would love to be a published writer, so would half the population, and I'm not unrealistic.
All that said, I don't want to give the impression that I've given up. Give up now, in your 20s, and you can pretty much kiss your life-long ambitions goodbye, that's what I think. (I know, I know, it's never too late-- but the chances of making the life I actually want happen should start now. Right? Right.)
Last night, while watching a rerun of one of my favorite shows, The Middle, I realized that 14-year-old Sue Heck (pictured above) is exactly the sort of girl I want to be. She fails at pretty much everything (no, really), yet she doesn't give up. She stumbles around that track five times despite crutches, rain, and general conspiracy against her, and gosh darn if she doesn't make that no-cut cross country team in the end.
Honestly, I nearly cried.
So what do I want to tackle first, bearing the spirit of Sue in mind? There are plenty of options here:
1. That neverending weight loss journey-- 40 pounds down since '09, yet since July my progress has not-so-mysteriously halted. When exactly am I going to make my gym membership an actual investment instead of a guilt-inspiring charge on the credit card? When am I going to start actually craving dinners that don't come from the grill at Panchero's or a drive-thru window?
2. My writing ambitions-- graduate school was great, but it kicked my ass and I spent the year following graduation pretty much exhausted and burned out on creative nonfiction. Now, however, it's submission season, and damn it, I need to get submitting. If I have to read one more obnoxiously pretentious Facebook status update from one of my MFA friends who are off doing super amazing things, I'm going to choke myself with my own thesis.
3. Perhaps most pressing, my financial situation. I'm on the right track, six months into an actual, non-temp job with benefits and all, but boy oh boy am I scraping the bottom of the savings account barrel. Actually, that's misleading, as it makes it sound like there's anything in my savings account (there's not). At the arrival of each paycheck, I fill Suki with gas, I pay my rent, I pay my student loan (egads), and I pay my various bills.
After that, I seem to squander the very minimal leftover cash on jewelry (but seriously, I love accessories. Can a girl really ever have too many accessories?! CAN SHE?), books (Lord girl, there are three public libraries within a ten-mile radius. So WHY?), and the mother of all money-sucks: RESTAURANTS. The cafeteria at work, fast food, sandwich places, Mexican grill, sit-down restaurants, Chinese takeout, you name it, I've probably squandered my paycheck there. And why? Why can I not make myself reign it in and prepare some gosh darn meals for myself? Lord knows it would probably kick-start the whole weight-loss thing as well (unless I cater to my cravings for mac-and-cheese several times a week. Mmmmm mac and cheese in the shape of Spider-Man or Toy Story characters...) I digress.
I think I need to be like Sue and keep my eye on the prize. Sure, making my own meals comprised of healthful ingredients, whilst, you know, working on my Pulitzer Prize-winning novel may feel like a painfully difficult existence... but I must remember Sue. Trudge on crutches through the rain around that cross-country track today... be rich, healthy, and successful tomorrow.
It's a good plan.
~
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