a better me(zz)

I've had the opportunities to better myself. I grew up in a nice home with a nice family. I got to go to college, and then got to go to graduate school. I worked hard to find a job, and ended up with something that isn't my career choice but pays the bills and keeps me in a pretty cushy environment (with health insurance) for now. And I've had lots of awesome friends along the way.

So sometimes it's hard to keep things in perspective. When my life gets a little out of whack, I have this tendency to fling myself on my bed and say, "O, WOE is I! Why are things not perfect?" as I toss bon bons into my mouth by the dozen.

All right, I'm more of a potato chips girl than bon bon girl, but as you can see, I do seem to over-dramatize.

If my social life isn't what I want it to be, why don't I change that? I could branch out, bit by bit. (I wish there were a sure-fire way to make more friends post-college, but I'll have to accept that there really isn't.)

If I want to be more accomplished, why don't I change that as well? I could read more books, and actually, you know, write. Why don't I write anymore? Except for in my journal, that is. And that's mostly talk about how Josh Groban and I are MFEO and how my work life is really getting in the way of my online roleplaying.

I looked back at my list of books read this year, and I really didn't care for what I saw-- which was essentially... not much. As of now, I read fewer than 20 books in 2010. Granted, this is more than some people read in their whole lives, but I come from a mother who reads a book a day-- consistently. And it's definitely the least I've read in many years. 2011, you will be better. For now, I'm devouring as many books as I can (mostly nonfiction) in December.

I also got my boyfriend to start reading Harry Potter, which is a literary success all on its own.

But back to this whole over-dramatization thing. I seem to let little setbacks define me entire day, week, or month. I go on Twitter and write about how terribly my morning started off, just because my windshield wiper popped off and refused to re-attach when the windchill was -2. Granted, that wasn't fun, but it doesn't have to define my whole day.

As for the larger setbacks, I don't have to let those define me either. Today, I'm going to ignore the stubborn scale, and go to the gym. Tonight, I'm going to ignore how empty my fridge is and find something tasty to whip up without complaining that I can't afford something better. I'm not going to check my email a thousand times waiting for something amazing to happen in my social life. I'm going to accept it how it is, and move forward.

Today my friend Jason said to me, "I know it's cliche and lame, but people grow apart sometimes." And I will probably have to accept that. Without throwing myself onto my bed dramatically.

This all sounds well and good, doesn't it? "All right, Mezzie! Get out there and make it better!" But my attitude isn't going to change overnight. I think it's going to have to be more about accepting the things I cannot change... you know the rest.

Love,
Mezz

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