prac-tic-ally perfeeeeect, in ev'ry way

Two scoops of crazy with a side of coo-coo-cachoo.
~ Kristin Chenoweth, You Again

Well, it's been a few weeks since my last entry, and I've had my ups and downs when it comes to those wellness goals I've been talking about. You may recall that these include:

1. Spending less money;
2. Exercising more;
3. Eating well.

They all tie into each other-- spending less money means buying more groceries and eating well at home (i.e. less going out to eat), and that makes me want to supplement my wellness by exercising more, and exercising more means wanting to eat better so I don't sabotage it all.

So. How has this worked out for me lately?

It started out very well, by establishing a regular gym routine (a high intensity workout at the gym on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, and attempting some low intensity workout (like a walk or at least walking for a few hours around the mall) on the weekend). After about a month of decent effort, I stumbled a little. I had a couple of weeks where I really had to force myself to go to the gym after work-- it was so easy to just drive home and sit on the couch after my long day at work!

Here's what I noticed:

Working out and putting forth lots of effort:
- more energy
- less anxiety
- able to actually sleep through the night (amazing for me)

Not working out/putting forth effort:
- tired and irritable
- anxiety returned at minor level
- once again, poor sleep, tossing and turning
- had poorer eating habits

You'd think this solid evidence would be enough to kick it into gear for me. But anyone who has struggled with weight knows that it just ain't that easy. You've got to really want to do it.

I was able to really gauge the differences between those two separate three-week periods by my appointments with my awesome and beautiful counselor, Holly. I was so excited to tell her about how I was feeling when I first started working toward those wellness goals. At my next appointment, after I'd fallen off the wagon a little, well... I just wasn't feeling as good.

I feel a new motivation as a result. I made a mini-goal at that last counseling session: for the next three weeks (until the next time I met with Holly), I would not miss any workout sessions (Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday). Well, so far, I've accomplished two out of those three weeks, and I have confidence that I can complete the third week.

Last night as I ran on the elliptical, I noticed that while I'm not at the level of fitness I reached during my intense workout days in Michigan, I'm definitely getting there. When I first returned to the workout scene, I couldn't believe how out of shape I'd gotten since 2007-2009. Why had it seemed so easy to run so long and so fast back then? Well, I've really built up some endurance. For now I'm not lengthening the workout at all, but I'm definitely amping up the speed and intensity of it. When I feel myself naturally pushing even harder than that, I'll tack more minutes on.

So, two weeks without missing a workout, and what have I noticed?

- very little anxiety
- AMAZING SLEEP, mostly on the nights after I've worked out that day

I don't usually go all the way through the night without waking up, but I don't toss and turn and find it difficult to get comfortable at all. It's certainly not perfect sleep, but it is a WORLD away from what I've been experiencing this year.

Honestly, the sleep alone has been enough to have me adding extra workouts on my Saturdays (and if you know me, you know I despise exercising on the weekends!). Amazing!

Has the scale gone down? Well, not exactly. I've been circling the same five pounds for three or so months now. It's incredibly frustrating. It seems like every time I get down to the bottom of the decade, either my period or Halloween or a co-worker's birthday at work or a day trip with the Boy or a night out with my sister happens... and it's all "uphill" from there.

I know what really needs to happen: I need to starting watching what I eat and stop relying on workouts and that natural lifestyle-changing weight loss that happened over the past year to get me through. I'm going to have to go back to the plan I know works for me (Weight Watchers). However, Holly and I have discussed my tendency to overwhelm myself (and build myself up for failure that's difficult to recover from) when I try to pile on lots of goals all at once, so I haven't quite made that big change yet. I'm getting there!

This entry was prompted by a discussion my work pal and I had at lunch today, and we had the idea to shoot for a long-term goal in March. Then we can reward ourselves a little for a day. I know that this is going to require a lot of work and dedication on my part, especially with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's standing in the way, so I've got my work cut out for me!

You can do it, Mezzie!

(See? It's totally all about confidence. Here's hoping by my next entry I'll still be on the right track.)

Love,
Mezz